You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
