I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
