You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
