why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
