The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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