Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Randomize
