I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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