Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
