guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
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