That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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