Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
