sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
