my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
