Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
