dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
They have beer where we have blood.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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