We're facebook friends in real life
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
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