barbara walters just said penis...
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
