Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
