how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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