Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
