I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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