I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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