Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Found your dick twin last night
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
