3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
do herpes really smell.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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