remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Randomize
