Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
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