I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
