So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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