Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
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