I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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