i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Naked. naked and bneed help.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
