Nicole vs. Life
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
