thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
