also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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