I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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