I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
