its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
