yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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