Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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