TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
