This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
