Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Randomize
