just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
