she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
