I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
