"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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