That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
