I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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