No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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