Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
You're like the curious george of whores
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
